"Bah humbug!" I spluttered as my drink fell for the third time. My friend in the driver's seat turned to me. "Ok, what on earth is going on with you? God has to be telling you something, cause this is ridiculous." Again, Bah humbug, I thought.
Ok, today, was not the greatest day. I woke up with my jaw half locked and a sore throat. Exhausted, aggravated, and discouraged, having my friend bring up another problem was enough to make me want to scream.
"I quit." I replied to her. "I don't know what's going on, and I am just DONE." I wonder what God was thinking at that point, because to me, it seemed like He had no idea of how annoyed I was becoming. This last week has been a roller coaster ride. God had brought up some really big issues that I needed to deal with. I knew that I didn't have a lot of room for error, but I didn't know that God had lined up a week of tests for me. It's felt like everyday brings a new problem that is getting between God and me. I've had to play snow plow and push those things out of the way and I was officially dead.
As I vented my frustration and the reasons behind it to my friend, an idea began to form in my mind. I had tried to be superman, and realized that I wasn't.
How many of you have ever felt this way? You try and you try and YOU TRY. But no matter what you do, you never seem to win. There is a reason you feel this way. It's because without God, you aren't winning. In fact, you are losing. We are not capable of being God. Not even close. As teens, we seem to believe that we have the only real answers to our questions. We think that our parents don't (or won't) understand us, our elders are unable to see things from our perspective and anyone old enough to try to be a mentor doesn't really have our best interests at heart. So, we go to ourselves, our little group of peers. Alright guys, whether this group consists of good Christian friends, people who don't really care about God, or whoever, these people are dangerous to keep as your counsel. As teens, our brains are not fully developed. Literally, until you are 25, the part of your brain that deals with having good judgement is NOT EVEN DEVELOPED. We should not be looking to each other for guidance. We should be looking to God, and those He has placed in our lives to help us. And that's what I had to realize today. I had extended every fiber of my being to fix myself, and ended up drained. Basically my lesson from today could be summed up in a quote from an old play called High Tops, "We don't have to clean up ourselves to go to God, that's His job."
And y'all, I understand that is hard to do sometimes. We don't like the idea of having our lives in someone else's hands. But in the end, the safest place to be, is in God. And when we give our problems to Him, it's a beautiful thing. We can feel free to address the issues in ourselves because we know God is there to help us. We can take risks and do things that we never though possible when God calls us to them. So let God take the wheel of your life and see where He steers you. You never know what can happen with a little faith. :)
Sincerely praying for you all,
Tessa :)
P.S. Here is a poem that I wrote during another time of learning to trust, thought you all might like it, :) Praise God for His mercy right?
Am I allowed to quit now?
Am I allowed to back out?
Am I allowed to stand down?
and get away
My life is a crazy mess
I feel like such a wreck
I need to take a sec
ad get away!
Why is life like this?
A nutty insane asylum
where we're all running in the thick
I know I'm here
For a reason and not just in a random fray
I just need to kick this fear
and get away
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