"I'm throwing myself at her! Doesn't she realize that I need help!!!???" I screamed into the air of the winter night. Frustrated, hurt, tired of being alone, and most of all, tired of pain. I had cried myself to sleep the night before, and was feeling far from secure in myself or my standing with God. My friends weren't helping either, no matter how loud my actions were, they seemingly weren't interested in helping me come up with a solution to my problem. My whole spirit seemed shut off. I could barely hear God, goodness, I could barely hear myself.
As I sat there on that cold balcony my spirits were at an all time low. Then, like a still small voice the answer I was seeking came to me. I had taken my eyes off love and put them on myself. With a little thought and help from the Holy Spirit, all the pieces fell into place. I had become snappish and angry, and unusually stressed. "Well DUH!!!" I wanted to shout. When you take your eyes off God, you also take your heart away from God too. Instead of living to please God, you live to fill your heart holes. What are heart holes? Spots in your heart that only God can fill. A lot of times we think people can fill these holes. So we grab them by the hair and attempt to stuff them into the mold. As you can imagine, all this results in is two tired people with broken hearts. And y'all I'm not just talking about dating relationships, or friendships with the opposite sex. I had and still have, several gal pals who I enjoy looking to as God. After all, they will listen to me, they're my friends. They will cry with me, give me advice and maybe even give me worship. Hey! They just might give me all I need. Catch the phrase that proves this equation false? "Maybe even give me worship."
In His word, the Lord says "worship the Lord your God and serve Him only." - Matthew 4:10. When we worship other people (aka giving them too much of our time, always trying to make them happy, thinking that their opinion is all that matters and they define us, etc.) we take from God what is rightfully His. He has done all the work here, He was the one who died on that cross, and more
importantly, HE CREATED US. Why do we spend so much time basking in the glow of the creature, instead of the creator? Here's another question to chew on. How many times do we fight for the spotlight?.................
I asked myself that question and was brought to the painful conclusion that I fought, a lot. But thankfully, along with that answer, came grace. God understands that I'm still learning, He's not expecting a perfect person. Just an apprentice, willing to learn. I needed to turn my eyes back on Love. Back on God. Back on the reason I became a Jesus Freak. I'll let you guys know what happens next. ;)
Having an eye adjustment,
P.S. Want to check out more about worship and what God says about it? Check out these verses. Pretty powerful.
Peace out y'all! :)